He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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