the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
