I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
