2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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