I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
