i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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