I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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