Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
