Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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