She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
