You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
