look no pants
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
