So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
