i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We got so high we made milksteak
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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