Jerry, you need to find god
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Floor bacon is actually really good
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize