This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
