Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
