The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
