drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
In America we eat man semen.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
