my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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