lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Fuck appropriateness.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
