this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just found puke in my bra..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
