Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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