Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm always down for nudity.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
