It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
