counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
