When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
