College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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