You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize