Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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