I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
