Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
last night I used snow as a chaser
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
