I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it glows. i had to have it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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