At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
