She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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