and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
