I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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