I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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