Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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