Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
