if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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