textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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