It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
