Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
