ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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