The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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