I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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