Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
