just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
