Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
