Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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