im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
