I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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