even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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