I wish I only lived at night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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