I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
