Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
