Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
