My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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