he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
