I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
