and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
