my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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