I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I am morally bankrupt
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
