Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
