I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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