come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
