He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
