he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
