brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
