so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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