I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
