we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
