I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize