Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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