I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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