The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
