I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
