i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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