I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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